On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
--
An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
--
Q:What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!
---
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. After all those years, one night the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of action, she turned on the bedside lamp and pulled away the blanket. As she looked down she saw her husband working her with a dildo.
She got completely upset and screamed, "you impotent bastard! Is this what you were doing all the time?"
The husband tried to talk his way out of it, but after a while admitted.
"How could you be lying to me all of these years?" the upset wife wants to know. "You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "Okay then, I'll explain the dildo if you explain the kids."
--
A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "you were rubbing me downtown. I thought this was foreplay."
Flabbergasted, the husband replies, "no, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "well, what the hell were you doing then?"
Says the husband, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."
--
Two hillbillies walk into a bar to wash the dust from their throats and grab a beer. They are standing at the bar drinking their beers and talking about current cattle prices when all of a sudden a woman at a nearby table, who was eating a sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"
The women violently shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" the other asks.
The women doesn't answer begins to turn blue.
The hillbilly then runs up behind her, lifts up her dress, yanks down her panties and runs his tounge all over her ass in a circular motion until finally the woman becomes shocked and it send her into a violent spasm and the obstruction flys from her mouth. As she begins to breathe, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
The other hillbilly says to his friend, "Ya know? I'd heard of that there HIND LICK MANEUVER, but, I aint ever seen nobody do it"
--
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change you hair style...it makes your nose look too long."
--
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
--
An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
--
Q:What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!
---
There was a couple who were married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. After all those years, one night the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him of the crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of action, she turned on the bedside lamp and pulled away the blanket. As she looked down she saw her husband working her with a dildo.
She got completely upset and screamed, "you impotent bastard! Is this what you were doing all the time?"
The husband tried to talk his way out of it, but after a while admitted.
"How could you be lying to me all of these years?" the upset wife wants to know. "You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly, "Okay then, I'll explain the dildo if you explain the kids."
--
A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "why are you taking off your clothes?"
His wife replies, "you were rubbing me downtown. I thought this was foreplay."
Flabbergasted, the husband replies, "no, not at all."
His wife asks angrily, "well, what the hell were you doing then?"
Says the husband, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."
--
Two hillbillies walk into a bar to wash the dust from their throats and grab a beer. They are standing at the bar drinking their beers and talking about current cattle prices when all of a sudden a woman at a nearby table, who was eating a sandwich, begins to choke. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"
The women violently shakes her head no.
"Kin ya breathe?" the other asks.
The women doesn't answer begins to turn blue.
The hillbilly then runs up behind her, lifts up her dress, yanks down her panties and runs his tounge all over her ass in a circular motion until finally the woman becomes shocked and it send her into a violent spasm and the obstruction flys from her mouth. As she begins to breathe, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.
The other hillbilly says to his friend, "Ya know? I'd heard of that there HIND LICK MANEUVER, but, I aint ever seen nobody do it"
--
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change you hair style...it makes your nose look too long."
--
A couple had been married 15 years.
One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."
The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep", he said, "Just as I thought; just about the same size."
The wife got very angry and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?"
The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"
One afternoon they were working in the garden together.
As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, "Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is getting huge. I bet it's as big as the gas grill now."
The husband, feeling he needed to prove his point, got a yard stick, measured the grill and then measured his wife's butt.
"Yep", he said, "Just as I thought; just about the same size."
The wife got very angry and decided to let him do the gardening alone. She went inside and didn't speak to her husband the rest of the day.
That evening when they went to bed, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, "How about it honey? How about a little lovemaking?"
The wife rolled over and turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
She replied, "You don't think I am going to fire up this big ass grill for one little weenie, do you?"
--
Regards,
Shashi
Shashi
No comments:
Post a Comment