Fw:

 

   
The old man had died. A funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."
--
Two redneck salesmen were talking about buying a new car for the small delivery business.

One redneck tells the other one, "you should buy yourself a new Pathfinder 2001 with 242HP engine it goes so fast that you can leave San Diego at 6AM and be in Los Angeles at 7AM"

The next day the Rednecks meet again, and one asks the other one "Did you buy the Pathfinder?"

No, I bought me a Ford Ranger because, What the hell I am going to do in Los Angeles at 7 in the morning?..
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A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry.

He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer",

takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"

The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The guy replies, "No, I'm an asshole!"

--
A blonde walked into the dentist office and sat down in a chair.

The dentist said "Open Wide"

"I can't" The blonde said. "This chair has arms"
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If Pluto isn't a planet because its too small

Are midgets really people?
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A man & giraffe walk in to a bar.

Giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.

Bar tender says "hey! What's that lying there?!"

The man says "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
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Black man working on a building site goes to his boss and complains

"I don't like being call wog"

Boss explains "we all have nick names, its just how it is".

The black man is insistent that it's offensive,

so the boss shouts out

Mick,mac,paddy,wack

Leave the wog alone.
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Man goes to the doctors and said "doctor doctor I have a strawberry on my nose"

Doctor replays "you need some cream on that"
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A man goes into a drug store and asks the cashier for some rubbers. The cashier asks, "What size?"

The man replies, "Size? I didn't know they came in sizes."

"Yes, they do," she says, "What size do you want?"

"Well, gee, I don't know," the man answers.

The lady is used to this, so she tells him to go to the back yard and measure his dick by sticking it into each of the three holes in the fence. While the man is back there, the lady sneaks around to the other side of the fence and spreads her legs behind each hole as the man tests it. When the they return, the cashier asks, "What will it be? Small, medium, or large?"

The man replies, "To hell with the rubbers, give me a hundred feet of that fence back there!"
--

 

Regards,
Shashi