A farmer pulls a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly colored one.
Minutes later the rooster walks in. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.
--
Whack! Right on the head with a rolled-up magazine! "What was that for?" the husband shouts.
"That," his wife says, "was for the piece of paper I found—with the name Laurie Sue on it."
"But dear," he says, "that was just the name of a horse I bet on when I went to the track."
"Okay," she says. "I'll let it go…this time."
Two weeks later— whack!
"Now what?" he wails.
"Your horse called."
--
Minutes later the rooster walks in. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.
--
Whack! Right on the head with a rolled-up magazine! "What was that for?" the husband shouts.
"That," his wife says, "was for the piece of paper I found—with the name Laurie Sue on it."
"But dear," he says, "that was just the name of a horse I bet on when I went to the track."
"Okay," she says. "I'll let it go…this time."
Two weeks later— whack!
"Now what?" he wails.
"Your horse called."
--
The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock went missing! The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning.
During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
--
A blonde rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blonde says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
--
Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: shit happens
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Confusianism: Confucius says: shit happens
Islam: If shit happens, take a hostage.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
TV Evangalism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Jehovahs Witness: Knock, knock, shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
--
Regards,
Shashi
Shashi
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