Fw:

 

A pregnant woman is in the bank when the bank is robbed. A gunfight breaks out, and she is shot 3 times in the abdomen. She is rushed to the hospital. Miraculously, she is unharmed. After giving a full examination, though, the doctor tells her, "I have good and bad news for you. You are going to have triplets — but each baby has a bullet in it. Luckily, they have hit no vital organs, and eventually your children will pass the bullets naturally."

The woman has 3 healthy babies. Twelve years pass, and she has all but forgotten the incident in the bank.

One day, the first child, a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened — I was using the toilet, and I passed a bullet." The mother explains everything, and she assures her daughter that everything is okay.

A few weeks later, the second child, also a daughter, comes to her mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts her and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The mother goes on to tell the daughter the story.

Several weeks later, the third child, a son, comes to his mother and says, "Mom, the strangest thing just happened." The mother interrupts him and says, "You passed a bullet, right?" The son says, "No, Mom — I was masturbating and shot the dog!"

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An old one, but still cute....

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He'd been employed there for years when he came home one day and told his wife he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife, terribly concerned, suggested that he saw sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill refused - he'd be too embarrassed, he said, and vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

So a few weeks later, Bill came home one day white-faced. His wife knew something was seriously wrong. "My God, Bill, what's wrong?" she asked. Bill looked at her. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh Bill, you didn't," she moaned, horrified.
"Yes, I did," replied Bill.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."

--

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

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A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the Cowboy. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the Cowboy.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

--

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy
Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck"?
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.
We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed
in to the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
"Bubba, take whatever you want'. So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never

--

Young Bill was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Bill's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Bill spied his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows.

He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel.

He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing
what that bull is doing."

"Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow."

--

Bubba and Billy Ray are from Arkansas visiting a relative in Huntsville prison.
Walking along Sam Houston Street they see a sign which reads, 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'. Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, sell them. I bet we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."
They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and..."
The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?"
"Why yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."

--

There were three ducks swiming in a pond one night after midnight and got arrested for trespassing. They were called to apper in court the next day so the judge called up duck #1 and asked what were you doing in a pond swiming after midnight the duck said "blowing bubbles" So then the judge called up duck #2 and asked the same question and the duck said "blowing bubbles". Then the judge called up duck #3 and said let me guess you were blowing bubbles to and the duck said "No i am BUBBLES"

--

When a doctor remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "high blood pressure, Doc. It runs in my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.
"Neither," the patient replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," said the doctor "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet'em sometime, Doc!"

--

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

--

A woman enters a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for dsome cyanide.
"Why do you want to buy cyanide?" he asks
"I want to kill my husband" she answers.
To which the the pharmacist refuses to sell her the poison.
The woman takes out of her bag a few large photos showing her husband naked in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
"Ah " says the pharmacist "why didn't you tell me you had a presription" ...

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Regards,
Shashi