You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons.
TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under them.
SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. You probably thought it would
be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying.
--
One day this hunter drives his truck out into the forest, in the trunk he has a pistol, a shotgun and a rocket launcher.
So he stops off in the middle of the woods, grabs his pistol out of the trunk and goes off on foot in search of bears.
He sees one drinking down by the stream, he slowly aims the gun, and BANG! he shoots the bear and it falls down to the floor, not 2 seconds later he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around to find the bear standing right in front of him, the bear says "look mate, that really hurt, so im gonna give u 2 choices, either i rip you to shreds, or i bumfuck you" so the hunter thinks, o shit what should i do?, but seen as he dosent want to die he lets the bear bumfuck him.
Afterwards he's really pissed off about the bear incedent, so he runs back to his car, grabs his shotgun and goes out in search to kill that same bear.
He finds the bear he's looking for with 2 other bears, so BANG BANG BANG! he shoots all 3 of them and they fall to the floor, yet only 2 seconds later he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to find the 3 bears standing in front of him, so the first bear says "alright mate, that hurt the 3 of us, so you've got 2 choices, we bumfuck you, or we rip you to shreds" so once again the hunter who doesn't want to die lets them bumfuck him.
So now the hunter is really really pissed off, so he goes back to his car, pulls out his rocket launcher and goes off in search for those 3 bears.
He comes across them in a whole pack of ten bears, he aims the rocket and BOOM! the bears blow up. But once again he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to face the 10 bears behind him, the first one says
So he stops off in the middle of the woods, grabs his pistol out of the trunk and goes off on foot in search of bears.
He sees one drinking down by the stream, he slowly aims the gun, and BANG! he shoots the bear and it falls down to the floor, not 2 seconds later he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around to find the bear standing right in front of him, the bear says "look mate, that really hurt, so im gonna give u 2 choices, either i rip you to shreds, or i bumfuck you" so the hunter thinks, o shit what should i do?, but seen as he dosent want to die he lets the bear bumfuck him.
Afterwards he's really pissed off about the bear incedent, so he runs back to his car, grabs his shotgun and goes out in search to kill that same bear.
He finds the bear he's looking for with 2 other bears, so BANG BANG BANG! he shoots all 3 of them and they fall to the floor, yet only 2 seconds later he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to find the 3 bears standing in front of him, so the first bear says "alright mate, that hurt the 3 of us, so you've got 2 choices, we bumfuck you, or we rip you to shreds" so once again the hunter who doesn't want to die lets them bumfuck him.
So now the hunter is really really pissed off, so he goes back to his car, pulls out his rocket launcher and goes off in search for those 3 bears.
He comes across them in a whole pack of ten bears, he aims the rocket and BOOM! the bears blow up. But once again he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to face the 10 bears behind him, the first one says
" look mate, just between you and me, you're not really in this for the hunting are ya"
--
Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"
"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"
The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that, the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she'd never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
--
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye. In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.
"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a month."
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.
"There is a mistake here," he protested. "I have been here only three days."
"Yes," replied the clerk, "But your wife has been here a month."
--
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. and, she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the Marine did what any squared-away marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."
So the Marine did what any squared-away marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women that he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back."
--
HER DIARY
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Giants lost, but at least I got laid.
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today the Giants lost, but at least I got laid.
--
Dan knew he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.
He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.
One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.
He decided that he needed to be with his dream woman to really enjoy it.
One evening he was at a singles bar where he spotted the most attractive woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a month or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
When it comes to Estate Planning, women are so much smarter than men.
--
Regards,
Shashi
Shashi
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