A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you."
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain that to you."
--
I was checking into the hotel and I asked the woman behind the counter if the porn channel was disabled. She gave me a nasty look and said 'It's regular porn you sick pervert!'
--
He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them. He asks the waiter, "How much is the fettucini alfredo?"
The waiter says "A penny."
The man exclaims, "A penny?? How much for a steak?"
The waiter says, "A nickel"
The man is astonished, "Are you serious?? Where's the man that owns this place? I'd like to shake his hand!"
The waiter answers, "He's upstairs with my wife."
Confused, the man asks, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The waiter smiles and says, "The same thing I'm doing down here to his business."
The waiter says "A penny."
The man exclaims, "A penny?? How much for a steak?"
The waiter says, "A nickel"
The man is astonished, "Are you serious?? Where's the man that owns this place? I'd like to shake his hand!"
The waiter answers, "He's upstairs with my wife."
Confused, the man asks, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The waiter smiles and says, "The same thing I'm doing down here to his business."
---
A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes ma'am, ya see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete outfit."
Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
"Well ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Size 53 ... tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes."
"What size?"
"Size 15 ... double D."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Nineteen and a half ... 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually glowed as she asked, "Whew ... is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
Well she tallied up his bill while the Texan was counting out his money. She asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"
"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is and the answer is four inches."
She is astonished and blurts out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "Across, ma'am?"
Well, her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
"Well ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Size 53 ... tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes."
"What size?"
"Size 15 ... double D."
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes sir, what size?"
"Nineteen and a half ... 38," he replied.
"Wow, that's really big!"
"Yes ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
She virtually glowed as she asked, "Whew ... is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No ma'am , I reckon that will be all."
Well she tallied up his bill while the Texan was counting out his money. She asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"
"Yes ma'am, I already know what it is and the answer is four inches."
She is astonished and blurts out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"
Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "Across, ma'am?"
--
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I'm over 80 - I don't need them for sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I'm over 80 - I don't need them for sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
--
A teacher asked her class "which human organ expands to almost 10 times its normal size when stimulated?"
"I can't believe you are asking us this question!" one girl yells, "I plan to tell my parents that you are asking us inappropriate questions!"
The teacher pauses and another boy puts his hand up. "The retina of the human eye?"
"Yes!" the teacher replies. "Very good, Billy!"
She then turns to the girl and says, "I hate to tell you this, but number 1, you did not do your homework, number 2, you have a very sick mind, and 3, I fear you will be sadly disappointed someday."
"I can't believe you are asking us this question!" one girl yells, "I plan to tell my parents that you are asking us inappropriate questions!"
The teacher pauses and another boy puts his hand up. "The retina of the human eye?"
"Yes!" the teacher replies. "Very good, Billy!"
She then turns to the girl and says, "I hate to tell you this, but number 1, you did not do your homework, number 2, you have a very sick mind, and 3, I fear you will be sadly disappointed someday."
--
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women.
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his unit. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his member.
"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
He passes the first woman, who looks down at his unit. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his member.
"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.
"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."
--
Regards,
Shashi
Shashi
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